Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Randomize
