there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
