How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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