Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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