I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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