also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I wish there were birth control emojis
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
