i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
