it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Can you bring me the toilet please
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
