He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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