So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
