wrigley field is MILF paradise
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
