You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
