i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize
