how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
