if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
