I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
