Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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