somebody snuck up and got me drunk
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
