i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
