this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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