Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
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