I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
