Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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