I'm eating all of the evidence.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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