just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Panties = found
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