I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
