I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
