i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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