Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
