Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
