oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Randomize
