Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
