why didn't you poke me back
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
