do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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