Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
