If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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