Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
