The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
