My nipple is on Facebook.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
