There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
