the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
