he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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