he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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