Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i think my tv is drunk
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
