he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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