Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
