he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
