I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I still have a little drunk in my system
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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