: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Randomize
