she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
